tatooine_doofus | Room 317 [evening, after the play]

Despite his best intentions and his promise to Rikku, Luke still found himself spending a lot more time alone in his room than normal.

He’d discovered that the amount of effort it took to show the rest of the world how Completely Fine he was during the day was exhausting.

It didn’t help that the entire month of August was like navigating a mined asteroid field: still reeling from Rory’s revelation about his parents, the anniversary of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s deaths hit him like a body blow.

Yesterday had been Alderaan Day back home. He’d pushed past his embarrassment and residual anger at Leia to call and check up, only to be greeted with a clipped “I’m fine,” and an “I’m sure you have more important things to be attending to.” The entire conversation had taken longer to connect than to conduct.

He didn’t blame her: he wasn’t exactly the poster boy for dealing well with issues these days. See also: avoiding thinking about the entire issue by spending most of last night in the common room watching mindless television.

He curled his legs up under him, batted away Artoo’s worried attempts to help, and stared off into nothingness. Today was the anniversary of Ben’s death. A few days from now was Biggs’.

Luke was beginning to wonder if the memories of last August were going to crush him entirely.

[That Luke have a conversation with himself is FB, who with and what about not so much.]

Let It Be - The Beatles

Obi-Wan Kenobi	Skywalkers and their emotions were never exactly what one would call subtle. And between the three of them, Obi-Wan could feel the echo-ripples of their distress through the Force the way he could remember feeling the awful gather and twist of a hyperspace leap as an ache in his joints. Anakin's grief was old, worn into him like a thousand scars, and Obi-Wan's presence would offer little comfort. Luke, however...Luke was young and reeling and damned if he would ignore a Skywalker in pain again. Somewhere, Qui-Gon was surely rolling his eyes. Obi-Wan reached toward Luke's presence in the Force, and his softly blue figure faded in just inside Luke's door.
Luke Skywalker	Luke rubbed at his eyes. "Ben?" he whispered. "I have a few questions for you."
Obi-Wan Kenobi	A line of consternation creased Obi-Wan's brows, and with a small gesture he pulled Luke's chair around to sit. He had a bad feeling about this. "Why do I get the feeling that it's answers that are troubling you?"
Luke Skywalker	"Because you're you?" Luke replied, a ghost of a smile crossing his lips. He stared at the floor for a long moment, working up his courage. Finally he asked, "Why did he kill her?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-wan kept his face and thoughts very still to hide his dismay. Oh, well done, Anakin. Did you need someone to help keep the guilt fresh? "By the time your mother confronted him," he said slowly, "the good man who had been your father, my brother, was utterly lost, consumed by the dark side. Though he didn't wear the biomechanoid suit yet, he was Darth Vader, no longer Anakin." It wasn't really an answer.
Luke Skywalker	"That's not really an answer, Ben," Luke commented. "Why did he do it?" Impossibly young blue eyes tried to meet Obi-Wan's glance. "I need to know," he whispered.
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-Wan should've known Luke was past the age when pieces of the truth would satisfy him. "Your mother rejected him for what he had done," he said simply. "She couldn't believe me when I told her, so she went to him herself. And when she saw what he had become..." His shoulders stooped under an old weight. "Then Anakin saw me and it didn't matter that she hadn't known I'd stowed away on her ship." Obi-Wan met Luke's seeking gaze with a sharp look. "The dark side takes everything once good and strong within you and twists it into monstrosity. Your father's love became jealousy and rage."
Luke Skywalker	Luke chewed on his lower lip. "So you weren't..." He trailed off, blushing hard as he listened to what the Force was telling him. "Of course not." There was a long pause. "He still thinks it's true, though. Not that it matters. Or that I care what he thinks." Luke was new to resentment, but he was picking it up fast. "What happened next?" he asked.
Obi-Wan Kenobi	The corner of Obi-Wan's mouth quirked a little. "Your mother was a beautiful and strong-willed young woman, but no, we weren't." He blinked back his surprise and an obscure sense of hurt -- silly, really, considering the two offended parties were both dead -- and instead raised an eyebrow at Luke. "I'm sure you don't," he said dryly. "What happened next? Your father and I fought. I couldn't bring myself to kill him, so I left his fate to the Force. Padmé was alive, but..." Obi-Wan faltered for a moment before going on. "We were already fugitives, you understand. She lived just long enough to give birth to you and your sister on board the Tantive, and then she died." He was quiet a long moment. "And then we all of us went into hiding, except for Bail; the rest of it you know."
Luke Skywalker	"I don't understand," Luke said softly. "Why did he do it? Give up everything? Become a nightmare? Hurt her?" He looked over at Ben, eyes tormented. "What's to stop me from giving in, too? Or to keep him from turning back?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	"I don't know all of it - your father kept his secrets well - but he always said he had to save her." Obi-Wan lifted one shoulder in a weary half-shrug. "Remember what Yoda taught you; the dark side feeds off your fear. Your father was consumed by his. He was the most powerful Jedi the Order had ever known, accustomed to accomplishing whatever he chose to do, often the impossible. But he never accepted that he couldn't save everyone." Obi-Wan's face was still and quiet. "No matter how much we love someone, we can still lose them." He straightened and shook off his melancholy tone. "Let the Force guide your choices, Luke," he said firmly. "Be mindful not just of what you do in this life, but why you do it. Don't let fear or anger drive you. Anakin has to make his own choices." Obi-Wan hesitated, then made himself ask. "Do you think he's in danger of falling back?"
Luke Skywalker	"I don't know," Luke said plaintively. "I clearly don't know him at all." He thought about the almost daily meetings Anakin was having with Umbridge since Luke had been injured, but he hadn't been able to figure out what his father was doing in there...he chewed on his lower lip again. "I thought he turned back for me...but he killed her, Ben! He hurt Leia! Why would I be enough to come back for?" His shoulders slumped with a burden to heavy for him to carry. "What if something happens to me? I don't want to be responsible for him turning back." His jaw muscles clenched. "I don't want to be responsible for him at all."
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-Wan shook his head. "A man must make his own choices, Luke. You couldn't have made your father turn away from the dark side if some part of him wasn't ready to to take that step. What Anakin does with himself now is not your responsibility." It hurt a small part of him to sound so dismissive, but he'd learned that truth the hard way. "Help him if you can, but your father has to make his own choices."
Luke Skywalker	"Just that easy, huh?" Luke asked, voice biting. "Just sit back and wait? How'd that work out the first time?" It was easier to take his frustrations out on Ben than on the one who actually deserved it.
Obi-Wan Kenobi	"I said nothing about it being easy." Obi-Wan kept his voice even with an effort. "You can't even talk about him without being angry. What will you do, follow him around and hope the guilt keeps him from turning again?" He took a deep breath. "Your father was a good man; brave, willing to sacrifice himself for others. He was also proud and foolishly sacrificed himself to evil, turning on his fellow Jedi all in the name of saving someone. There is nothing easy about him -- but will you make the same mistakes?"
Luke Skywalker	"And then he killed her," Luke snapped, wrapping his arms around himself and looking sick. "No, I won't be like him. I don't want anything to do with him." He eyes shone with unshed tears. "But how do I get past it? How did you?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	"I don't know how well I dealt with it, at first - I exiled myself to a desert planet at the far end of the galaxy and started experimenting creatively with Jawa juice," Obi-Wan said wryly. "At least until a few years went by and it seemed like Vader and the Emperor had overlooked us." "But I remember Anakin from the time he was nine years old. I watched him grow up and I taught him, and we lived and flew and fought together for years, and saved each other's lives more than once. I remember the good man he was before the Emperor seduced him." Obi-Wan reached out to Luke, his hand passing through his shoulder. "He is just that, Luke: a man. Not an unknown hero-father for you to idolize, and no longer the monster he became. No one will tell you have to have anything to do with him, but remember that he too, has to live with his past now."
Luke Skywalker	"I liked it better before I knew," Luke said, appreciating the gesture Obi-Wan was making even if he couldn't feel the touch. "I didn't need to think he could take down Star Destroyers by staring at them, but knowing that he loved his family...it's what gave me the strength to do what I did on Endor." He turned to look at Obi-Wan. "I really should've died there, huh?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	"Could have, yes." But considering the habit prophecies had of coming to pass in unexpected, world-tumbling fashion. . ."But you survived, and brought your father back with you -- so perhaps it was meant to be."
Luke Skywalker	"But you didn't know that," Luke replied, looking straight into Obi-Wan's eyes, "and I could've died and ended the legacy of the Jedi. Why did you sacrifice yourself on the Death Star? I saw that look you gave him. Was it another lesson?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-Wan met Luke's gaze directly. "Not even Yoda knows the future for certain; a Jedi can only let himself be guided by the Force and learn to trust those instincts." "I don't think I knew exactly what I was going to do, not right away. I was too old to face Vader in combat for very long; and then I just knew." He gave the old, mysterious smile Luke would remember from their first conversations on Tatooine. "Much like you knew your father could be saved. Though Anakin would probably tell you I was seizing my last chance to be as annoying as possible."
Luke Skywalker	"He talks about you a lot more now," Luke said with a tiny smile. The smile disappeared again. "He still never brings her up. What was she like?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	"She was very mature for her age," Obi-Wan said, thinking back. "A queen when she was only 14 - and she carried it well. Soft-spoken, but stubborn." He gave a short laugh. "Quite determined, actually. She once rescued herself while your father and I were still tied up and bickering with each other." It was the only good memory from a miserable, bitter day; he quickly moved on. "In the holo Artoo carried, your sister looks much like her. Sounds like her too, from what I heard about her career in the Senate before it was dissolved." His gaze sharpened abruptly. "Does she know? Does Leia know Anakin is alive again?"
Luke Skywalker	Luke nodded. "She came here a few months ago to talk to him--loudly--about it. Her visit ended up coinciding with our mother's birthday." His lips thinned. "He really does have the worst luck sometimes, doesn't he?" he asked quietly. He ran his hands through his hair. "I screamed at her when I found out about what actually happened," he admitted. "Before I left the Ewok village on Endor, she told me...she said she remembered her. But she lied, right? She couldn't possibly remember!"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-Wan winced. "Events in Anakin's life always did have a habit of happening in the most dramatic fashion possible." "Is it lying if she thought it was the truth?" He crossed his arms, considering. "Queen Breha did die while Leia was young. I don't know how much Bail told her about her adoption, but she is Force-sensitive, even if she's never been trained. It's possible she retained an emotional memory - an imprint - of Padme and mixed it with her real memories of Bail's wife." Obi-Wan looked questioningly at Luke. "Does it matter so much, what Leia remembers? Or is it your lack of memory?"
Luke Skywalker	Luke was quiet for a moment, searching his feelings. "Both," he admitted finally. "I wanted to know her, too. To remember her, even a little. But I don't." He ran his hands through his hair. "How did he kill her?" he asked finally.
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-Wan was quiet for a long moment, his voice low and subdued when he finally began speaking. "He'd tried to strangle her, when he saw me step off her ship. And then he flung her away when I tried to step between them. But she was still alive, after. When I went back." He carefully didn't look at Luke. "The meddroid did what it could for her but it was as if Anakin had broken her spirit more than anything. Even with the added trauma of childbirth, her injuries shouldn't have been life-ending. The droid just said it was as if she'd lost the will to live. She stayed just long enough to see you and Leia, and name you; then she was gone."
Luke Skywalker	Luke's eyes filled with tears, but now he had a new person to be angry at. One he hadn't hero-worshiped for most of his life. "So Leia and I weren't reason enough to stay alive?" he asked indignantly.
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-Wan fought the urge to sigh. Luke had clearly inherited his father's habit of taking everything personally. "You know I can't answer that for you, Luke." He hoped the son might take Qui-Gon's wisdom better than his father did. "You mother loved you; she died. All else is a distraction."
Luke Skywalker	Luke kept his head bowed for a moment as he tried to accept Ben's words. "My family is beyond screwed up, isn't it?" he asked. "We're a lesson in what not to do on just about everything."
Obi-Wan Kenobi	Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow wryly. Luke probably didn't actually want an answer to that. "We're the product of our past, but it doesn't define us. Or I should say, it defines us as much as we let it. Reflect until you've learned what is useful," he advised, trying to reach Luke as he had never gotten through to Anakin. "Then let the rest go."
Luke Skywalker	Luke finally nodded. "I think I can," he said softly. He looked at Obi-Wan. "Does it have to be today?"
Obi-Wan Kenobi	"No," Obi-Wan replied simply, "no, it doesn't have to be today. Have patience -- with yourself as well as your father -- and your sister." He stood up, a slight smile of approval crinkling the corners of his eyes.
Luke Skywalker	"Thank you, Ben," Luke said with an answering smile. "I miss you."
Obi-Wan Kenobi	"I spent my entire adult life with Skywalkers." Obi-wan gestured with hand and robe, emphasizing his slight transparency. "It's reassuring to know that doesn't change."
Luke Skywalker	"Very," Luke echoed softly.