Luke's room [Rebel base, GFFA]

[tatooine_doofus]

Luke had been rubbing his eyes for the last, oh, six hours, but it wasn't helping.

His lightsaber and Artoo had been talking trash about him since he woke up to, well, his stuff turning human.

"And really," Artoo continued, "they way he interprets the things I'm saying. I swear..."

Luke groaned and reached for the comlink when it chirped.

"...what do you mean, 'where's my X-Wing?'"

Comments

[the_merriest]

Had Rikku realized that her spastic, insane Godhand had stolen her cell phone, she would be in hot pursuit.

Rikku was, instead, drinking, and trying to block out as much of the day as possible.

Godhand, on the other hand, was pushing buttons. Phones were fucking awesome.

Ring ring!

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

"Skywalker," Luke replied. "If you can't find the Falcon, ask Han."

[the_merriest]

"Is it a big falcon?" the girl asked. "If I find it, do I get a reward?"

The Godhand: fond of money.

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

"Today, that's entirely possible," Luke replied with a sigh.

Beat.

"Who is this?"

[the_merriest]

"I'm Godhand!" she said, posing. "A legendary weapon, powered up by the Mercury Sigil and Crest. I usually have spikes but today I'm all seeeeeeexy. Oooh, hey, what's that?!"

There was a clattering sound, as if the phone had been dropped by someone with severe ADHD. A few seconds later, someone scooped the phone up.

"Ohhhh, no. Hello? Um. Who ... is this?"

Rikku did not sound like she was having a very good day.

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke burst out laughing. "Someone in a galaxy far, far away," he said. "How's your long distance plan?"

[the_merriest]

Rikku giggled. "LUKE!!" And bounced a little, yes. "I have been meaning to call but I'm not always near a tower and so my signal sucks and how are you!?! Is any of your stuff acting like it's on drugs, today??"

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

"Yeeeeees," he whined. "Artoo's short and kind of creepy and mean...yes you are, don't glare at me, and my lightsaber is a girl with blue hair. And my X-Wing is running around somewhere..."

[the_merriest]

"Artoo's mean!?!" she gaped. "That's just wrong! He's all funny and cute and he should be happy. Tell him to be nicer, dammit!"

She flopped down on a seat, exhaling. "I woke up with a crazy girl poking my face and wriggling a lot. She's my Godhand, apparently. And she keeps licking things and punching people and flashing her boobs and then forgetting what the hell's going on."

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

"Apparently he has about sixty years of gossip he's been dying to share with someone who wasn't Threepio," Luke winced as that set Artoo off on a new rant, "and the lightsaber is being very nice, listening, and not flashing her boobs at anything because then I'd have to blind myself."

[the_merriest]

"She grabbed my boobs," Rikku said, in a low voice. "And shouted HONK! really loudly, and then went and kicked someone in the shins. It's a legendary weapon, it should be serious and fighter-y and not ... whatever the hell this is."

On crystal meth?

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke burst out laughing. "Really?!"

[the_merriest]

"I wish I was kidding," Rikku sighed. "She licked the wall and dry-humped it, and she beat up my brother for all his cash, and I don't even know where she is right now and I don't think I want to."

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

"Do you have bail money available?" he asked.

[the_merriest]

"I think I'll just let her get locked up," Rikku decided. "I mean, she has to turn back sooner or later, doesn't she?"

That ... led to new and painful lines of thought.

"She is going to turn back, isn't she!?"

Minus one Godhand, plus one crazy chick? Rikku would break things.

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

"It's got to be a Fandom thing," Luke said. "It should wear off in a couple of days." He sighed. "Or I need to build another lightsaber."